Riot police were called to Focus Health in Havelock North when students from The Pilates Center turned ugly.

They were protesting against what they termed “obscene postures” being taught in rival instructor X’s (name suppression) yoga classes.

X’s yoga students were found huddled in a small room to protect themselves from the protesters. Ms. X proudly pointed out, “Thanks to their superior flexiblity, 25 of my students were able to fit into a broom closet.”

Pilates protester Grant Harvey complained of police brutality, saying “They made me squat on the ground for almost five minutes. I’ve been taking Pilates for nearly ten years, but my body can’t take that kind of punishment.”

Calling the Pilates students “yoga wannabees,” Ms. X charged that something more sinister was behind the protests. “When they started chanting “Yoga is a sin,” I began to suspect that maybe the Exclusive Bretheren were really behind all this.”

Over the years, it has been alleged that the Religious Bretheren made secret contributions to the National Party in return for a promise of a policy to ban yoga and related “obscene postures.”

Spokesmen from the Exclusives could not be located.

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