Hawke’s Bay apple growers, joined by proud politicians from across the spectrum, rejoiced this week in their victorious battle to gain entry into the Australian market.

“We have been fighting for re-entry into Australia since 1921,” said Pipfruit New Zealand spokesman “Red” Dickyoulos at a hastily called press conference in Wellington. “And now we’re thrilled to learn that Aussie authorities have promised that Kiwi apples can be exported to Oz starting in the year 2121.*

“This is a sweet victory for Hawke’s Bay orchardists,” said Minister Rick Barker. “The negotiations were tough indeed, and I’m pleased that the Labour Government has been able to secure this fantastic outcome. In only 114 more years, Kiwi apples will be crossing the Tasman. Once again, Labour has produced for the agricultural sector.”

National Party MP’s Craig Foss and Chris Tremain were also on hand to claim a share of the victory.

“If it had not been for the relentless prodding from Backing the Bay and the entire National Party leadership, Hawke’s Bay orchardists would have been cut to the core,” said Foss. “At a critical point in the negotiations, Labour’s Phil Goff and Jim Anderton were prepared to settle for a 2221 entry date, but we made clear that National would bring down the Government if it accepted a day more than 2121.” Added Tremain, “With only 114 years to wait, Labour shouldn’t get all the credit.”

The celebration was marred by Aussie protesters who flew in from Sydney. In a revolting display of arrogance, they disrupted the press conference by chanting, “Kiwi apples in Oz … yeah right!” and “Labour pols have apples, not balls!”

Fearing consumer panic, Government presented independent analysts to reassure Kiwi consumers that no shortage of apples for the domestic market is likely soon.

Seriously, doesn’t it seem like the political system is failing to deliver for New Zealand apple growers?

*Subject to certain conditions

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