Desperate to raise any external funding for his sports park, Sam Kelt passed the basket at area churches over the weekend.

“I thought the back-up choir would be a nice touch,” said Sam, interviewed outside St. Luke’s Church in Napier. “I always say the case for the park is ethereal. And after all, at $25,000 a month from HDC, we can even afford to get God onside.”

It’s not clear, however, that Sam’s appeal to The Almighty was successful.

Commented St. Luke’s parishioner Barbara Arnott: “For awhile I thought he might just pull it off and convert our congregation, which hasn’t been too charitable towards Sam’s edifice. But I don’t know about including a Dire Straits number. Firstly, wrong symbolism. Plus I think he lost a lot of parishioners when the choir swung into ‘money for nuthin and the chicks for free.’”


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