Determined to show that he’s a bold leader, willing to think outside the box, John Key has taken the advice of Backing the Bay MPs Craig Foss and Chris Tremain.

“I was telling them how frustrated I am with the ever-proliferating health ministry bureaucracy in Wellington, and said I’d be willing to try anything to get it under control if we form the next Government. That’s when they gave me the grass carp idea.”

What the BtB boys were referring to was the successful use of grass carp to rid Lake Eland, west of Napier, of hydrilla, a particularly aggressive aquatic weed.

“They called this invasive weed ‘an aggressive environmental cancer’ … and that’s when it hit me. Maybe these carp could eat their way through the health ministry bureaucracy. So, if I become PM, I’m pledging to introduce grass carp into the executive swimming pool at the health ministry.”

[Surgeon-waiter brings Jo Eames, Senior Manager of Medical Forms Design, Western Region, her afternoon spritzer at Health Ministry Executive Pool.]

Told of the proposal, Health Minister David Cunliffe retorted with outrage: “Sound health for the nation begins with a happy health ministry workforce. Small incentives like the executive pool are a tiny price to pay to ensure that top staff like Ms. Eames don’t flee to Australia. We cannot afford to lose our most seasoned bureaucrats. Plus, as you see from this photo, the pool provides our under-paid surgeons a chance to earn some extra pocket money. I’m getting sick of Key’s carping.”

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