Mayor Yule has offered to brief new candidates for election to the HDC on the roles and responsibilities of the office and the general functioning of the Council. Mayor, and fellow incumbent, Arnott commented enviously, “That Larry’s a political genius … why didn’t I think of that? Maybe I’ll invite our candidates to a group soak at Ocean Spa.”
At first glance, this seems like a helpful gesture. But then BayBuzz began to wonder. Isn’t this a bit like the fox giving the chooks a briefing on henhouse security?
So BayBuzz investigated the matter and found a source who divulged Mayor Yule’s briefing points for the meeting. Actually, they are in the form of Ten Commandments. We thought the broader electorate might be interested.
Mayor Yule’s Ten Commandments for Councillors
I. You must not giggle when addressing me as “Your Worship” at Council meetings.
II. You must not speak critically of the past work or decisions of the Council, either as a candidate or as a Councillor, for public tranquility is best served when all skeletons remain in their closets.
III. You must not speak ill of the Mayor at any time, as this undermines the majesty of the office and lessens public reverence for His Worship.
IV. You must protect the backsides of your fellow Councillors at all times, for what goes around, comes around.
V. You must never let the voice of the people overcome your own judgment, for your job is to
manage lead the voters, not follow their will.
VI. You must never park your car in the space designated for the Chief Executive, for he has a long memory and all the power.
VII. You must strictly observe the four gin & tonics per hour limit when socialising in the Councillors’ Lounge, for otherwise our entertainment allowance will not last the year.
VIII. You must not smirk, make denigrating snorts or sleep during public submissions to the Council, as the appearance of genuine concern and receptivity is a fundamental prerequisite for public acquiescence.
IX. You must never cast a dissenting vote in public, as the appearance of independence and sound judgment can be dangerously disorienting to casual observers.
X. You must never, under any circumstances, read or speak to BayBuzz, for they are mere buzzmakers.
Upon reading these Ten Commandments, we think Council candidates would be better off hearing the advice and perspectives of departing Councillors. Not exactly a dispassionate or unbiased lot, but that’s what makes politics interesting!
We will be inviting those Councillors to share their advice with candidates through interviews with BayBuzz that we plan to publish in the weeks ahead.