The HB Regional Council has launched a new line of business that Chairman Rex McIntyre says could earn substantial new revenue, reducing pressure on rates and perhaps even permitting an occasional rebate.

Said McIntyre: “All revenue from our new Independent Endorsement in Principle Trust (INEPT) will be ring-marked for ratepayer relief.”

He conceded this new line of business had taken the Council by surprise. “When we voted to endorse the regional sports park ‘in principle’ as a favor to Lawrence and Sam, we had no idea we were dealing with just the tip of an iceberg. As word got out through the media, thanks to BayBuzz, we’ve received requests from all over the world for similar endorsements. And we thought, why not charge for these?”

Council staff provided a partial list of endorsements the HBRC has made so far through its new Endorsement in Principle initiative:

  • Support for Mugabe for President of Zimbabwe (BayBuzz understands a 6-figure fee was paid for this one)
  • Character reference for Brittney Spears (at the request of father, Councillor Norm Spears) in her Los Angeles Domestic Court proceeding to regain custody of her children from ex-hubby Kevin Federline.
  • Support for the US Federal Reserve’s bail-out of financial giant Bear Stearns.
  • Endorsement of electrification of the Auckland rail system.
  • Support for Macedonia in its current succession campaign.
  • Endorsement of Dallas Texas surgeon Dr. Clement Farnsworth’s new experimental technique for using pig kidneys for human transplant.
  • Support for Napier City Council by-law change granting Mayor Arnott supreme authority over the city (we understand Councillors Dick and Kirton were initially opposed to this one, but conceded that the new by-law simply reflected current realities).
  • Endorsement of Phil Underwood as assistant coach of the Sydney Mavericks junior rugby team.
  • Endorsement of GlaxoSmithKline’s Panadol over plain aspirin as the superior headache remedy (another hefty fee for this one).

HBRC Councillors are uniformly ecstatic over the new Endorsement in Principle initiative.

Said Councillor von Dadelszen: “For the first time, I can really participate in Council. Since these issues will never come before the hearings committee, I can actually listen to what my colleagues have to say.”

Said Councillor Gilbertson: “Don’t get the wrong impression … we study each of these requests very carefully. On the Panadol endorsement alone, we had an entire page of briefing material. And the debate lasted almost a minute.”

From Councillor Scott: “INEPT is our now our signature. And the beauty of it is, since none of it is deemed significant to the public, we don’t need to mess around with public consultation.”

And from Councillor McGregor: “The Tukituki is cleaner than when I was a boy.” Huh?!

Figures on revenue from the program have yet to be released. But HBRC finance chief Paul Drury commented: “We’re still working out the official fee schedule, but without doubt this will be really big … it will make income from the port operation look like petty cash.”

Can’t wait for my rebate.

Tom

Have you visited the BayBuzz website lately?

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