While the rest of the world puzzles over the whereabouts of North Korea dictator Kim Jong Un, BayBuzz has snapped these exclusive photos of Kim’s recent surprise trip to Hawke’s Bay, where his eminence toured the site of the Ruataniwha Dam and announced his decision to invest.
In our first photo, Kim arrives at Hawke’s Bay Airport, greeted by the Republic of Napier Colour Guard.
Keeping to the water theme of his visit, Kim’s first stop was the National Aquarium.
Getting down to business, he was then briefed on intricacies of the RMA by regional councillor Christine Scott.
Then off to a rally in Waipukurau sponsored by Federated Farmers, who entertained Kim with synchronized sheep whistling.
Kim then inspected the dam site, from a safe distance (given his phobia about earthquakes). Project leader Graeme Hansen was suitably garbed to host the site visit.
HBRC chairman Fenton Wilson, pulling out all the stops, impressed his money-bearing guest with a look-alike doo.
Later, Kim inspected a water slide that will become part of the recreational offering at Lake Newman.
Furious at a breach of security, Kim fired several rounds at intrepid BayBuzz photographer Tim Whittaker, who suffered a minor graze wound.
And finally, Kim signed his investment certificate and Water User Agreement. Kim has agreed to purchase the Ruataniwha dam and its entire water supply outright, with plans to market bottled water under the ‘Korean Klear’ label. In a humane gesture, Kim announced he would donate several cases of Korean Klear to meet CHB’s drinking water needs.
HBRIC chief executive Andrew Newman praised the deal, saying: “I’d rather sell the water to North Korea than to any friend of CHB mayor Peter Butler.”
After the agreement signing ceremony, Kim took a private call from Napier mayor Bill Dalton, who sought advice on Napier’s proposed de-militarized zone.
Commented a bellicose Dalton afterwards: “With the Berlin Wall down, there’s no better model to follow than a de-militarized zone to protect Napier from our southern aggressors.” Kim was heard to remark to an aide: “Now that’s one crazy dude!”
BayBuzz understands the visit ended on a sour note when Kim was informed his promised tour on the famed Art Deco buses would not occur. Efforts to placate Kim with a boat ride around the harbour were unsuccessful.
HBRIC chairman Andy Pearce equivocated on whether the dam investment would stand, but noted: “Kim Jong Un is not the only despot on the planet with deep pockets.”
Tom, this is the best news ever for the long suffering HBRC ratepayers.
Having just paid my latest rates bill I look forward to a substantial reduction next year.
Kim will no doubt ensure the continuing flow of our money, in the form of outrageous salaries and fees paid out to the dam’s promoters is curtailed.
Our Napier mayor will be delighted to have a fellow dictator acting as his mentor in addressing ratepayers questioning his acumen and fallacious statements.
With borrowings in the NCC blowing out by a record 85% in the next 12 months, perhaps Kim can make an offer that Bellicose Bill cannot refuse and take over our fair city.
After all, Kim is the master when addressing his pesky critics –with a bullet to the head.