IMHO, the Onion is the best satirical ‘news’ reporting in the US. Before I continue, note the emphasis on satirical. I simply could not resist passing along this piece, given our current lack of summer sun.
the Onion recently reported that messages delivered by extraordinary solar flares, translated by a NASA astronomer, make clear that the sun is very unhappy about “its diminished status after thousands of years as a venerated deity”.
The sun noted it “no longer received sacrificial offerings of human virgins or even herd animals”, complaining enviously that thousands of humans stepped into their backyards to admire full moons.
Said the sun, “How can I make it any more glaringly obvious that I am an omnipotent force deserving of unwavering loyalty? I’m the largest object in the sky. I am life and I am death. I am creator and destroyer. I am the mother****ing sun. How can there be any doubt that I am God?”
Hawke’s Bay needs more sun worship … and sun power. The sun sounds desperate. Maybe there’s a holy alliance to be made here!
methinks the sun doth protest too much! after all, aren’t we collectively rushing to re-make the world so the sun’s rays have more influence? look at California! and won’t we all sacrifice ourselves to its heating effects? what greater worship could it crave? then there’s the little matter of the first (and last!) time a fusion experiment goes wrong… and we make the ultimate offering and become a sun ourselves! so no, don’t look up!