If Friday’s rugby spectacle at McLean Park in Napier proved anything, it’s that streaking isn’t an art for dilettantes.

For the record, I’m in awe of the streaker. It’s a beautiful thing; that inspired moment where like a piece of shrapnel some boozed patron splits from the pack, exposes himself to thousands of accidental voyeurs and guarantees his place in streaking folklore.

Yet such professionalism was rare at McLean Park. Instead, two inept “streakers” ignored the number one rule of the game by invading the pitch fully clad. Thus, making fools of themselves, and smearing a very Kiwi tradition. Just dumb.

One of the streakers (pictured above) was wearing a black t-shirt with a picture of a three-legged man with the word “GIFTED” underneath. Why would you wear a shirt that hints at your promising package, then run onto the park with your clothes on?

Given it wasn’t a cold evening, you revealed nothing but your shortcomings.

Meanwhile, the Magpies continue to blaze a triumphant trail through the rest of the pack this year, and BayBuzz hope to see a consequent rise in exhibitionism at McLean Park.

Yet with such farcical attempts thus far, we thought it timely to outline some streaking basics:

* Get sponsorship. Streaking fines are pretty hefty, so ensure friends/family pledge $10 a piece.

* Once caught by police or security – don’t struggle. Streaking is all about the thrill of the chase.

* Many venues have a life-ban rule. So, think about streaking somewhere other than your own home stadium.

* Time your run. Wait for a stop in play before jumping the barrier. Your role is to provide a cameo interlude – not interrupt the game.

* Guys, on chilly nights, Deep Heat will help keep the pride intact.

BayBuzz will be at every Magpies’ home game this year – with our camera. Anyone else caught “streaking” with clothes on will be similarly shamed. Next time, you two losers, leave the arena to the genuine article.

Mark

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